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At 32, my life is now split evenly between the period of baseball lineup generation and literature. Thus the following (clipped from Charles Bernstein’s blog) has an automatic appeal. And I have to say, this looks not random and silly. This looks about right:

Charles North
Complete Lineups; art by Paula North
(Brooklyn: Hanging Loose Press, 2009).

as in baseball lineups, eg ….

Wittgenstein lf
Heidegger 2b
Aristotle 1b
Kant rf
Hegel cf
Hume ss
Sartre 3b
Plotinus c
Plato p

Heidegger is a #2 hitter, and he would be a secondbaseman, wouldn’t he? And Hegel in the five slot is perfect, just perfect. And Sartre would play thirdbase. Wittgenstein is everywhere that he should be. Weird, uncanny, perfectly right this thing!

I haven’t got it in me to make my own tonight (I tag Kaufman to do a full one), but for now. When it comes to modernist fiction writers in English, Conrad bats second and plays SS, has to – he is the Derek Jeter of the team, and Jeter is a natural #2. Fitzgerald fits into #6 or #7, definitely at second base. It’s a tough call but I guess Woolf #3 (and in centerfield) while Joyce bats cleanup and plays right, or maybe first.

But who leads off?

Your turn Scott, seriously, Mr. All Glove No Hit…..

(UPDATE: SEK nails it….)

Written by adswithoutproducts

February 27, 2009 at 1:14 am

Posted in Uncategorized

8 Responses

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  1. I’ve marked 46 papers since 11 a.m. Tuesday and did 31 student conferences today . . . so I’m up for a break. Give me a couple of minutes.


    February 27, 2009 at 3:25 am

  2. Also, there’s no way Plato’s a pitcher if Socrates was on that team.


    February 27, 2009 at 3:29 am

  3. Plato might be the ace, but Socrates is definitely the closer.

    and I love Kant at cleanup, but not quite as much as I love that Plato’s catcher is Plotinus!


    February 27, 2009 at 4:43 am

  4. A Modernist Lineup …

    (Because the number of people who will understand the references to modernism and baseball number in the high single digits.)The prototypical leadoff hitter should radiate self-importance. He has one job and one job only: to get on base. He has……


    February 27, 2009 at 5:12 am

  5. Alright, that was more fun than it had any right to be.


    February 27, 2009 at 5:13 am

  6. Here’s some more from North, which I pinched from John Latta’s excellent Isola di Rifiuti:

    San Francisco ss
    Munich cf
    Paris lf
    Rome c
    Madrid 3b
    London rf
    Athens 1b
    Istanbul 2b
    New York p


    Pope ss
    Keats 2b
    Shakespeare cf
    Milton 1b
    Spenser rf
    Chaucer 3b
    Jonson lf
    Yeats c
    Donne p

    And here’s North on the second of these, which was, genetically, the first:

    I wrote the first baseball lineup poem more than twenty years ago for a friend who was struggling with a doctoral dissertation in English. By arranging major British poets into a batting order, complete with field positions, I was presenting him with a “dissertation” ready-made. Scrappy Alexander Pope was clearly a lead-off man; Milton played first and batted cleanup; Donne pitched (and won 30 games four times).


    February 27, 2009 at 6:05 am

  7. Not very many catchers play cleanup, but I guess Rome is exceptional.


    February 27, 2009 at 7:07 am

  8. well going off of Acephalous’ prerequisites for the leadoff hitter, shouldn’t bukowski be the clear choice?? extremely interesting topic of discussion.

    also, i nominate e.e. cummings for left 😉


    March 1, 2009 at 4:03 am

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