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not the best newyearseve

with 2 comments

OK. So I’m going through one of those nights when I feel like academia as a whole is a ridiculous, bullshit enterprise. Like why the fuck does one bother? Of course the answer is that there’s no way to do any of this any other way and still, you know, keep yourself in coffee and cigarettes. Or at least there’s no way to press pause, try doing all of this some other way, and then resume playback when it’s not panned out.

Actually, I have something of a tic – sure I’m not alone in this – that when I receive news that suggests that the academic career is going well, I throw myself into my academic work. When the opposite happens, I open up the file that contains my “novel,” and at least think about what it would be like to type away at it.

Tonight, I’m betwixt and between. Not sure whether to throw myself into Barthes’s lecture on the Neutral or stare at the blinking cursor in the novel doc.

It’s awful and petulant to complain. It really is. Things aren’t so bad. I have a graduate seminar to start teaching in a few weeks. It’s my second graduate seminar in as many years. That means things are good, right? On an entirely different level: I eat, I am sheltered, my child eats, we have tons and tons of shit to keep us occupied. But but but but but petulantly, crazily: I miss Brooklyn. This is horrible, stupid.

Perhaps I should become a Major Confessional Blogger or something. I met one this week, sat next to her as she ate dinner, went outside with her to have a cigarette… She was quite excellent, I must say. Absolutely lovely, she was. How many would go and how many would stay if I made this, in its entirety, about my quest to return to Brooklyn or thereabouts rather than, you know, snarky half-coherent comments about youtube videos and the like, I wonder….

Written by adswithoutproducts

January 1, 2007 at 12:38 am

Posted in housekeeping

2 Responses

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  1. You’re awful! And petulant! And disappeared so fast Saturday we didn’t have a chance to chat!

    Scott Eric Kaufman

    January 1, 2007 at 9:59 pm

  2. Yeah, yeah, I know. But you must have noticed how nervous I was even at dinner, no? Magnify that by 100 and you have a sense of what I was like at the panel.

    But that was excellent fun, the dinner, meeting folks. Thanks for letting me tag along.

    CR

    January 1, 2007 at 10:22 pm


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